My beliefs
Our core values will form the foundation for our beliefs about life. Values and beliefs will then form our attitudes in life and will guide our behaviours and actions to a greater purpose.
We need to gain a good insight into who we are, what we believe in and what we want in life, in addition to understanding the limiting beliefs that we hold about ourselves. This is your true identity.
Mistaken beliefs
Our belief system is the driving force behind our behaviours and the results we get in life.
When we change our beliefs, we will change our behaviours.
When we change our behaviours, we will change our results.
And when we change our results, we will change our lives!
Mistaken beliefs are negative self-talk stems, or deep-rooted beliefs or assumptions that we hold about ourselves, other people and life in general.
Examples of mistaken beliefs include:
- “Life is a constant struggle.”
- “I should always act nice no matter how I am feeling.”
- “I am nothing unless other people love and approve of me.”
- “I am not important. My feelings and needs are not important.”
- “I can’t cope with scary or difficult situations.”
Such beliefs are most often incorrect and completely unhelpful. We usually learn these unhelpful beliefs from our parents, peers, teachers, and the larger society that we grew up in.
Unfortunately, most people tend to take these beliefs for granted without even realising that these are mistaken beliefs that are holding us back from success. We blindly assume that they are true, which is incorrect.
Mistaken beliefs that you hold about yourself and ‘the way life is’ are the root cause of the anxiety or fear that you are experiencing. Choosing to let go of such beliefs will help you feel less worried, stressed and unhappy.
Mistaken beliefs hold us back
Mistaken beliefs hold us back from the things we want in life. For example:
- “I can’t afford to have what I want.”
- “I do not have time.”
- “I do not have the talent.”
- “I do not deserve to have the things I truly want.”
Holding on to these mistaken beliefs will mean that you would not even try to get what you want. It is also the surest way to guarantee that you will not.
Mistaken beliefs are usually based on the idea that self-worth depends on something outside of ourselves. For example, our material possessions, our social status, our wealth, or even the approval of another person.
Believing that “my worth depends on the things that I achieve” or that “success is everything” places your self-worth outside of you. It prevents you from realising that you have many qualities and talents regardless of your other achievements.
As your self-esteem develops, you will learn to respect and believe in yourself. This is aside from the things that you have achieved. It is without being dependent on anyone else to feel secure within yourself.
Mistaken beliefs and counter-statements
We must understand how our mistaken beliefs came about before we can go about reprogramming ourselves with more functional and supportive beliefs.
Examples of mistaken beliefs and counter-statements that you can use:
- “I am powerless. I am a victim of outside circumstances.”
- Counter statement – “I am responsible for myself, and I am in control of my life. I can’t determine the circumstances, but I can determine my attitude toward them. It is a choice I make.”
- “If I take a risk, I will fail. If I fail, other people will reject me.”
- Counter statement – “It is alright for me to take risks and it doesn’t matter if I fail. I can learn from every mistake I make. It is okay for me to be successful.”
- “Life is a constant struggle. There must be something wrong if life seems easy, pleasurable or fun.”
- Counter statement – “Life is pleasurable and full. It is alright for me to relax and enjoy myself. Life is an adventure in which I am learning to accept both the ups and the downs.”
- “I am not important. My feelings and needs are not important.”
- Counter statement – “I am a unique and valuable individual. My needs and my feelings are just as important as anyone else.”
Self-reflection exercise
Take 5 to 10 minutes to reflect and consider any mistaken beliefs that you may be holding on to. Work through the following questions. Then consider what counter statements you could use to begin changing this belief.
- What is the evidence that supports this mistaken belief? If I look objectively at all of my life experiences, what is the evidence that this belief is true?
- Is this belief always true for me?
- Does this belief consider the whole picture? Does it take into consideration both the positive and negative consequences?
- Does this belief encourage my peace of mind and well-being?
- Did I choose this belief, or has it developed from the influence of my family or friends as I was growing up?
Remember that whatever value these mistaken beliefs may have offered you in the past, they no longer offer you. They only serve to create stress and anxiety for you now. It is time to get rid of them.