Begin with the end in mind with the top five regrets of the dying
Begin with the end in mind is one of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People authored by Stephen Covey. It requires us to begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination, and then continue by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen.
Apply this habit to life planning by understanding what people are regretting in their last 12 weeks of their lives. Then reverse engineer the solutions as action items our life plan.
An Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care recorded her patients dying epiphanies in a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
The top five regrets of the dying:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me – “This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard – “This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings – “Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends – “Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.“
- I wish that I had let myself be happier – “This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
You can overcome these regrets by:
- Your identity – Living a life true to yourself that is focused on things that matters in life without settling for mediocre existence. Everyone is capable of becoming better than who they are today when they make a choice to change and live their life in fullness.
- Your relationships – Focusing on creating and sustaining quality relationships and regularly keeping in touch with people, rather than spending time at work. The Harvard Study of Adult Development also complements this action.
- Your risk-taking – Making a deliberate choice to go beyond the circumstances, familiarity and complacency and to be true to yourself without fear, limiting beliefs and pleasing others.