Deciding to change for the better

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier

For 75 years, the Harvard Study of Adult Development tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, and their health without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out. The TED talk about the outcomes of the study can be found here.

The clearest message from this longest study on happiness is that good relationships keep us happier and healthier, where close relationships are good for our health and well-being.

The study gives us valuable information as to the way we are going to plan our lives and the outcomes we are seeking to achieve. It gives us great insights for incorporating intentional relationship building into our daily lives if we want to live in happiness, and in joy and peace.

The three big lessons about relationships from the study:

  • Social connections are good for us and that loneliness kills – People who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier. They are also physically healthier and live longer than people who are less well connected.
  • The quality of relationships matters (not the number of friends we have!) – Living in the midst of conflict is bad for our health, whilst good, close and happy relationships buffer us from getting old. People who were in unhappy relationships reported more physical pain that was magnified by emotional pain.
  • Good relationships don’t just protect our bodies, they protect our brains – People who are in quality relationships where they can count on the other person in times of need have memories that stay sharper longer.

We have to actively work on making our relationships good and lasting, whilst living true to ourselves. There is no quick fix for building quality relationships.

Relationships are messy. They are complicated. It is not glamorous. It is also lifelong!

But the possibilities are practically endless. It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together, long walks or date nights, or reaching out to that family member who you have not spoken to in years. Those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.