The diplomatic personalities

Diplomatic personalities are strong ‘people’ people, focused on empathy and cooperation. This does not mean that you are an extrovert.

INFJ: The protector

You are an introvert, intuitive, feeling, and judging. You are also creative, insightful, passionate, decisive, altruistic, creative and focussed on others.

You are motivated to make a positive difference to the world. If most of your energies are not directed to improving life for others, you are likely to struggle. Flourishing when you trust your strong intuition, you function more positively when making choices based on your heart rather than logic.

You need to make time for your creativity to run free and allow yourself to dream big dreams. Your idealistic traits can mean that you can have high expectations for both yourself and others which may not always be helpful.

How change impacts you

You can have mixed reactions to change. While you enjoy being able to toy with a new vision or idea for the future, you can feel hesitant if you see implications that could be negative. You need more time to acclimate yourself to change. You want to think through your position, analyse the potential effects, and consider how the change will impact you personally and the people around you.

You feel most motivated to change when you see a vision or image of the future that looks appealing and novel. You do not like predictability or monotony and are excited by new options and possibilities. You just need time to mentally engage with the change and toy with the connections and impacts that it will have on everyone.

Overcoming the stresses of life

You get increasingly introverted and detail-absorbed.

Stop thinking in ‘shoulds’ and halt other self-imposed standards. Remember that life is unpredictable, and you cannot control everything.

How you can achieve your goals

Because you are not particularly interested in personal goals, you would not stay motivated with goals that are only about you. You tend to ignore day-to-day details that would move your goals forward. On top of that, you are a perfectionist and can get burned out easily because you forget to take care of yourself.

The way to make standard goal-setting work for you is to:

• Set people-focused goals.
• Get help with the details.
• Define ‘good enough’ points for each milestone so you do not keep working beyond the point of diminishing returns.
• Make time to care for yourself.

INFP: The idealist

You are introverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving. You are also idealistic, flexible, creative, passionate, and hardworking.

You are driven by your values and a desire to find new ways of doing things. You look for inner peace and meaning in the world around you. Although you have a caring nature, you are not the most suited to spending large amounts of time with others. You need time alone to allow your creative mind to reach your fullest potential.

You will be happier when dedicating your time and energy to causes that you truly believe in. You will struggle in an environment that does not allow you to be spontaneous and find innovative ways of approaching things.

How change impacts you

You need a little time alone to reflect on changes and figure out whether the changes align with your values and desires. You hate feeling pushed or pressured into anything without having a chance to meditate upon it.

You are most likely to be excited by change. You enjoy variety, new possibilities, and tend to get bored when life feels monotonous and repetitive. The biggest struggle for you is leaving your loved ones if moving locations is a part of the change. You tend to be very attached to your relationships and will need a process or method of maintaining relationships.

Overcoming the stresses of life

You may have trouble sleeping, become oversensitive, and try to control the situation.

Take on a new passion project to satisfy your need for accomplishment.

How you can achieve your goals

You run into problems when someone else questions your goal, or if you adopt other people’s goals to get the approval you crave for. You also like to pursue more than one thing at a time, and you are afraid of failing.

You can fix this by:

• Enlisting someone as a trusted confidante to support you when doubts creep in.
• While going after one goal, start planning the next.
• Give yourself permission and time for disruptions.
• Schedule time — enter it on your calendar as an appointment — for self-care.
• Make sure your goals are not just about you. They are people-focused goals that will keep you motivated.
• Practice reframing failure as a learning experience.

ENFJ: The giver

You are extroverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. You are also tolerant, reliable, charismatic, and altruistic.

You are always trying to make sure that everyone else is OK. You need to feel that you are helping to make the world a better place. You are attuned to people’s needs and will do all you can to help them.

Outwardly focussed and organised, you prefer order. You tend to neglect your needs. You should protect yourself from situations where you may experience high levels of criticism. The extroverted part of your personality means that you seek out close relationships but need to ensure that you receive as much as you give in these.

How change impacts you

Ever future-focused, you are initially excited about the change. You enjoy working over the details involved in a change and getting on board with planning and implementation. You are skilled at making sure everyone feels heard in the change process and are good at making sure that personal needs are accounted for and developments run along at a smooth pace.

You can feel very stressed during change, especially if there are personal factors that negatively impact you or others. If the people around you are stressed or anxious about the change, you can get so wrapped up in trying to fix things for other people that you burn out or feel emotionally overwhelmed.

Overcoming the stresses of life

Your attentiveness to peoples’ challenges spikes and you seek a single answer rather than being open to possibilities.

Identify who’s causing you external stress. Detach yourself from their problems and take the time to focus on what you need.

How you can achieve your goals

You are likely to shift your goals or your approach to suit others. You are also good at anticipating things. If you misjudge, you may become unsure about how to move forward. You tend to over plan. You have many interests and try to set goals for them.

Make standard goal-setting work for you by building in a few fail-safes:

• Set up a timeframe and create a process for introducing new opinions and approaches. If someone suggests a different approach, record it. Then, no more frequently than once a month, review these suggestions and adapt if it is necessary.
• When your plans go skewed, give yourself time to process the changes. Then make a new plan.
• Commit to yourself, in writing, that you will give your plan time to work.
• Limit major goals to three. At any time, pick the three most important and work only on those. Write down other goals but do not start work on a new goal until you have completed the one that you are already working on.

ENFP: The inspirer

You are extroverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving. You are also curious, observant, energetic, and laid back.

You can be frustrated by doing the same things every day and should aim to include as much variety in your life as possible. You need to feel that you are living an active life that is filled with creating new initiatives and experiences.

The extroverted element of you means that you draw energy from interacting with others. Possessing both initiative and drive, you have the potential to be entrepreneurs. Although you are fulfilled by trying out new things, you need to be careful to keep hold of things in your life that are valuable.

How change impacts you

Change is an exciting word for you. You are also fond of variety. So, going somewhere new, trying your hand at a new skill, or being around a new set of people piques your curiosity.

Routine, everyday experiences can make you bored and de-motivated. If the change involves moving to a new location, you may struggle with saying goodbye to friends and loved ones or letting go of relationships.

Overcoming the stresses of life

You start to act disorganised and stretch yourself too thin. Your ideas become uncontrolled.

Delegate extra tasks and take the time to slow down. Create relaxing mental images through guided imagery to boost your ability to cope with stress.

How you can achieve your goals

You tend to lose interest in a goal if it does not have a deeper meaning and is over-complicated. You are easily bored, saying “yes” too often, sacrificing your goals in the process, and rationalising setbacks.

To successfully set and manage goals:

• Tie your goals to your deepest values.
• Strip away tasks until you have the minimum you need to succeed.
• Make sure your goals serve a creative or altruistic purpose.
• Schedule the time you need to work on your goals for several weeks in advance. Put it on your calendar as if it is an important meeting. When someone asks you to do something, check your calendar, then say “no” to anything that conflicts with your calendar.
• Do not explain or rationalise your setbacks. Evaluate these setbacks and plan for doing better next time.