“I am fearful and don’t know where to start to get my life back on track”

Here’s is a response from a person whom I caught up with.

As a common response for many people feeling fearful and don’t know where to start, there are different approaches to get one’s life back on track.

When I talk to people about their personal story, their dreams, and the issues they are facing, they are usually unclear as to their personal goals.

More importantly, they are unclear about their purpose in life.

They do not know their true identity.

Without knowing our true identity, we will not know our purpose in life.

And without knowing our purpose in life, we are unable to identify and pursue our personal dreams and goals.

Without personal goals, we do not know the destination that we are aiming for.

Hence, a ship sailing without a destination will only be drifting aimlessly out at sea with nowhere to go to.

Some people just like drifting aimlessly. That’s okay.

It’s just who they are.

It’s the choice they have made for themselves.

Some may be overwhelmed or paralysed with fear, uneasiness, depression, or even stress.

I acknowledge that some people may detest having personal goals to start with.

For others, having some kind of destination (or some similar variant in the form of goals) can go a long way in reducing fear, stress, and anxiety about life and the future. It could also help in reducing or avoiding the fear of making mistakes and looking silly.

Whatever our reasons are for not having personal goals, we really need a practical purpose to provide meaning, certainty, motivation and hope in our lives.

It makes life worth living.

What does success look like, how do we get there, and what do we need to do to get to our destination are some questions we need to ask ourselves.

In essence, we need to crystallise our thoughts, plan our journey, and intentionally direct our actions and resources towards something meaningful rather than drifting aimlessly.

After all, when we really want meaning and purpose in our lives, we have to detach from our past, unlearn old habits and mindset, and intentionally design, shape, and create our future.

When our future is always bigger than our past, we have to actually figure out and build confidence and motivation in it.

We have no choice but to innovate and learn how to develop a new mindset, new skills, and acquire new competencies and knowledge, and focus on the future results we want to achieve.

People who are living in their past are not living in their desired future.

Knowing our destination certainly helps to describe our future, our success.

Knowing how success looks like in the future will drive change and transformation in our mindset, behaviours, and actions.

Knowing how we define and measure success will go a long way in allocating the right resources to drive the right kind of actions towards achieving our future success.

Here’s the thing.

There is no point worrying about life when we do not any strategies and plans that will intentionally get us to our destination.

While people do not plan to fail, we just fail to plan.

There is hope when we take the appropriate action.

Here’s what you could do to get your life back on track if you have been aimlessly drifting.

Take a blank piece of paper.

At the top of the paper, draw a horizontal line across the portrait orientated page that is two inches from the top margin or side.

In that space, write out the destination you want to go to. Something that is dear to your heart.

Preferably, it has to be specific, measurable, achievable, reasonable and timed (SMART for short).

Let us say that by 2021 (three years’ time), you want to earn $1,000 per month from an online business. This source of gig income will be in addition to your current full-time job.

To earn $1K per month online, say with Fiverr, profiting $5 net per gig, you need to complete 200 gigs in one month.

If you designate 20 days per month to do your online business as a side gig, you need to do 10 gigs per day.

Therefore, you need to consistently dedicate two to three hours per day in addition to your normal working hours to perform various gigs.

Under that horizontal line, you need to draw two vertical lines. This will give you three equal-sized columns.

You may do more than three fit-for-purpose columns to suit your personal circumstance. Just experiment with various options and combination to get the results you desire.

The suggested headers for the three columns are as follows:

1. “Professional skills” you need to acquire in order to perform the gig work competently by 2021.
2. “Time” for doing “personal things”, “family obligations” or even taking care of your “health and wellbeing”. These are personal things that you need to do with your available non-working time outside your normal working hours. You may have a health issue that you need time to deal with. You may be financially supporting your younger sister who is still at university. You may need time and money to take care of your ageing parents. Don’t avoid these actions or obligations but planned them in strategically.
3. “Money” in the form of a spending plan required to adequately resource the actions you need to achieve your goal. While there are many free online courses, you may need to attend paid night classes to acquire specific hands-on skills for the gig. Rather than doing up a traditional budget, develop a spending plan in this column instead. Your “money” plan may include the need to change jobs or get promoted so that you have a bit more money to invest in yourself.

Here are some key questions to ask yourself regularly in relation to each column.

1. “Professional skills” – Am I acquiring the right skills and experience to get me closer to my goals? Do I need <professional certification / qualification> to do my job better?
2. “Time” – Given all other commitments I have, am I spending my time wisely and effectively so that I can get closer to my goals? Am I productive in the use of my time? What are the key milestones I have to achieve?
3. “Money” – Am I using part of my salary (say 10%) to acquire the necessary skills, experience, and tools of the trade required to do my gig effectively in <three years> time?

Given that your timeline is three years for this example, sub-categorise each vertical column into “Year 1”, “Year 2”, and “Year 3” by drawing two horizontal lines across the three columns.

For “Year 1” under “Professionals skills”, write down what you want to achieve by the end of “Year 1”.

This could be translated into your yearly goals for professional development.

Thereafter, determine how much time (in Column 2) and money (in Column 3) that you are prepared to spend on acquiring the required skill, experience, and certification.

For example, you may need to spend two hours daily after work to research and do some pro bono work just to build up your portfolio and skills.

You may even need to enrol yourself into some online design course if you want to provide logo design service on Fiverr.

Whatever it is, you really need to invest time and money to improve yourself and position yourself to effectively do the gig work in three years’ time.

For each column, incrementally layering on what you want to do for “Year 2” and then “Year 3”. Continuously build on each year.

Identify reasonably big incremental steps, but avoiding unreasonable actions.

All actions must be do-able. They must not be onerous. Otherwise, you will feel defeated if you cannot deliver or perform the planned work.

When stretched milestones are achieved, celebrate that achievement. Your celebratory dinner need not be expensive.

Do celebrate your success with your loved ones, close friends, coaches or mentors who have journeyed with you.

In essence, from a planning perspective, everything you do from now on must either bring your closer to your goal or objective or move you away from it.

This is the test question that you can use to drive and motivate yourself toward a good outcome.

At its core, I have just shown you a practical prioritisation and planning tool. There may be others that you may prefer to use.

Ultimately, it’s about breaking things down into bite-size chunks so that you can consume it without choking yourself and experiencing more stress.

There is a point to note about the use of your time.

You need to be ‘positively’ selfish with your time.

When actions do not bring you closer to your destination, you have legitimate reasons (not excuse) to stop doing these actions without fear or regret.

This is because you have clarity of mind. You are being objective about the use of your precious time. You can say “no”.

People are fearful because they are afraid of making mistakes. Or they just don’t know about what the future holds and the uncertainty it creates.

A bit of planning and strategising will go a long way in mitigating any fear. Don’t be paralysed with shiny objects, indecision, and the media.

Do take control of your destiny now.

Don’t squander your time and resources on the unproductive.

Do live out your unique destiny.

Do live life in abundance.